was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
