When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
