Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Drunk is a universal language darling
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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