I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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