I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
