what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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