Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How does one acquire holy water?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
