i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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