wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
