I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
