just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
