i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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