I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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