So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
