I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
