Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
