Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
