so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just got carded by a ten year old.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
