i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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