i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
