you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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