I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
