I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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