Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
