i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Semen is not good for contacts.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
