TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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