I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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