It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
