you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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