She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
