I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
