it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
