Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
