Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
