we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
