Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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