So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
