Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
