Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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