I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
