He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
