i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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