I love black thongs
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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