I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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