My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need moral support for this bender
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
