if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
