Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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