we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
