my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there's paper in my vomit.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
