I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
