He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
