I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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