Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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