I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
