Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
