I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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