how can u be prego again
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
