No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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