she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
