dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
