I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Me too!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
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Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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