I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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