I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
