you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
