woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
