I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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