You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
