finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
