If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
