We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
