Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
