The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
