Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
