I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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