Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
