I wish I could teleport
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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