I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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