i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
