I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
