so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
