Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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