You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
