At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
