I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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