i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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