We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
