I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
