why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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